Hey everybody, it's me, Tom Cruise. I'm in a new movie called Tropic Thunder. I play a big Hollywood producer named Les Grossman. You should see it. I'm funny in it and more importantly, I'm normal in it. I'm just like those other guys you like. You know Stiller and Downey Jr. They're normal. I drop F Bombs and I wear funny looking makeup and I yell and act all crazy. Except, I'm not crazy. I just want to make that extremely clear. I. Am. Not. Crazy. Not at all. I'm cool. And normal. And funny. So seriously, go and see the movie. And don't think about me jumping on a couch declaring my false love for Katie Holmes. Think of how funny I am in a fat suit that's really hairy. Don't think about me as the head of a strange and bizarre cult that thinks it's superior to everyone else, when actually it's a laughing stock. Think of me saying funny, everyday stuff like "nutless monkey." You know, stuff you would say to your normal friends when you act all normal and stuff. Don't think about me manipulating my wife and pulling her away from a promising movie career. Think of me "acting the fool" dancing to hip-hop music in my fat suit. Except I'm not a fool. Because fool means crazy. And I'm not crazy. I'm normal, everyday Tom Cruise. I'm one of you. One of you. One of you. One of you.
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