BAD NEWS TRAVELS FAST
So I’m on the beach all by my lonesome because Mrs. Cranky went to work, and the NC Crankettes are not due to arrive until 6 pm. This old dude (I know, I think everyone is old and I’m still 28 even though I’m really 67.)
Anyway
This old dude saunters up the beach and makes a crack about how no one is swimming when the water is so warm. I’m thinking “Fuck you asshole the water is 62 and that is cold even in New Jersey.”
So
He dives in and is out in about 40 seconds and comes up to some lady he apparently knows and starts a conversation. I am listening in because that is what I do.
“Yada, yada, yada…home prices, yada, yada, yada, Sandy, Yada, yada, yada…construction, blah blah, traffic…blah, blah you’d think that yada, yada, yada…”
So I just about tune this blow hard out and I hear, “Well that is it with the hot weather, it is low 80’s now and there is rain every day for the next 8 days!”
Now my ears perked up. First of all at the shore we crave hot weather. If it is in the 90’s we can call home and brag about how cool it is by the water (I know shallow, but what can I say?) Second of all, with three Crankettes coming all the way from NC, I really don’t want to hear “RAIN!”
Damn, this jerk weed got me all depressed. I had not heard the weather as we lost cable and internet yesterday (a whole nother story.)
I drag my butt back to our beach house…er beach room behind the garage…and check my i-phone. The temperature is 91, and is not expected to go below 85 for the next week. There are warnings for thunderstorms every day.
The weather report for the summer in New Jersey calls for a chance of afternoon thunderstorms EVERY DAY FROM JUNE TO SEPTEMBER!!! Why is this jerk weed telling the whole beach that the next 8 days will be a wash out?
Why do people love to announce bad news when they don’t really have a clue?
AND
If the water is so friggin warm you giant a-hole, stay in it for more than 40 seconds YOU BIG FRIGGIN BLOW HARD A-HOLE BAD NEWS SPEWING JERK!!
Did I mention I get extra cranky when I am without Cable TV and the internet?
Hey, I just got internet back…Never mind.
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