My hometown, ever mindful of the dangers of showing boobies, especially boobies doing what God (or perhaps... Satan!?) intended - has banned two works of art depicting breasts and breastfeeding at a local art event at Buddy Holly Center. (Lubbock = Mecca of the Arts! or, er, perhaps I should say, congregation of the arts so as not to offend the christian brethren).
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Wow, arresting Chippendales dancers last year pales in comparison to this.... Of course, with Lubbockites, you never know what they are offended by exactly. Upon speaking to my fellow conservative, high morally upstanding fellow Lubbockites (... I am starting to refer to them as "Bubba-ckites") I have amalgamated their righteous indignation into one response, to save time and trouble...
For future reference, this Bubbackite pseudoynym will be "Sam Houston, defender of the West Texas Way."
So, Sam (pronounced the proper Lubbock way, with 3 syllables) why did you demand these breastfeeding pics be taken down?
Sam Houston Responds:
You damn lefties are trying to corrupt the good morals of this here community by showing women doing pagan activities like feeding kids from their bare breasts!
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How many jobs will be lost if all women start breastfeeding? How many formula manufacturers in China will go out of business, causing the commies to spend less money buying up the U.S. dollar and be forced to funnel that formula money into Iran's nuckleer program?
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If every child gets healthier by breast feeding instead of being raised on synthetics then Pharmaecutical companies will lose a ton of money! And every time a U.S. corporation loses a dollar, the terrorists win!
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Ya'll need to unnerstand the bigger picture out here! No red-blooded West Texas man wants to see a woman's boobies doing something as unnattractive as feeding some rugrat. Breasts should be only shown in glossy magazines in the bottom of our sock drawers, for a man's privacy in his own home. Or at private stag parties in the basement of the Lubbock City Council's chambers, away from the eyes of split-tails who may be offended by such imagery which God intended only for men of strong character.
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I do, however, like the fact that the women is bare-foot in the picture- that part is good Primitive Baptist doctrine . But other than that, its purely porn-aw-graffy! I ain't never been so fired up since they tried to put idols of Zeus blowing the wind on ever overpass in town! Damn heathens! Don't make me get my rope out, now.
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So, there you have it. The Sam Houstons of Lubbock strike again in the name of decency and keeping images of women safe from perverts.
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UPDATE: "Nurse-In" protest planned ...
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